XVIII. Receive Praise and Insults the Same Way
"To accept without arrogance, to let go with indifference."
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"Does anything genuinely beautiful need supplementing?...Are any of those improved by being praised? Or damaged by contempt? Is an emerald suddenly flawed if no one admires it?"
Praise is addictive.
Seeking it makes us lose the purpose of why we work, why we stay fit, why we aim to build good relationships with our family and friends.
We end up hiding stuff because we don't want to break the illusion of perfection we've created.
We end up telling ourselves a story — living a facade.
What starts as a noble choice to become a better, smarter, wealthier, and stronger person is corrupted by a gluttonous ego.
The result? Burn-out, scandals, golden chains, inauthenticity.
It's absurd to do anything in life other than because it's who we are, it's what we do and it's how we live.
"Beautiful things of any kind are beautiful in themselves and sufficient to themselves. Praise is extraneous. The object of praise remains what it was, no better and no worse."
Marcus Aurelius said.
Everything else falls in place if it wants to.
Don't get me wrong.
It's good to applaud yourself. To receive positive feedback from others — with the composure and wisdom of how to use it.
But not to create a mythical story of who we are, think we're better than the humble craft or the people around us.
What's better is to be grounded in the values that brought us success and attention in the first place: courage, wisdom, justice, and discipline — your character and authenticity. To stick to the process and systems we’ve created.
This way, even if someone critiques us, we don't sway along with them. We look at the facts and remember who we are. We don’t dwell on the words of cowards who, in shame, can’t face themselves.
“You want praise from people who kick themselves every fifteen minutes, the approval of people who despise themselves?”
Marcus Aurelius soliloquied in his Meditations.
Sure, we may feel hurt and if criticism comes from well-meaning people it's good to listen to it.
But we don't jump to the conclusion that we're bad people and deserve to be shamed or punished.
We analyze what we did wrong, if our ego was involved, and revisit to rectify the matter.
Perhaps we fear owning a mistake might stain our reputation as incompetent.
“It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.” — Marcus Aurelius
The mere act of acknowledging an error without apologizing too much makes us rare — valuable and trustworthy.
People will also be more open to teaching us if we need help because we're humble.
This doesn't give us the leeway to be incompetent. We still aim to learn fast and practice to deliver good results for our team.
We also need to defend ourselves amicably and with some humor from some unwarranted criticism.
And if it persists it's wise to know when to let go, focus on what you control, and let what's real to prosper.
You’ll then reach the balance Marcus Aurelius talks about concerning praise and criticism. About anything in life,
"To accept without arrogance, to let go with indifference."
See you tomorrow. xo
A.V