LW VIII. How to Give Orders
People will be eager to do your bidding and fulfill your intent even in your absence.
The ‘Lead to Win’ section is a companion for The Stoic Manual to equip you with the best strategies and tactics to succeed at leading in your workplace, family, relationships, and business—by Dr. Antonius Veritas. Complement this with the ‘Neuroscience-based Tools’ and the Le Monde Élégant social skills section.
Fall & Redemption
They didn’t even tell me to my face.
I walked into the meeting room expecting business as usual. Updates. Strategy. The usual back-and-forth. But the seats were empty. A thick, unnatural silence filled the space. My stomach twisted. I pulled out my phone. One message.
"We’ve decided to move forward without you. Good luck."
My vision blurred. Heat rushed up my neck, my jaw clenched so hard it hurt. My fingers tingled, suddenly cold, useless. My throat felt tight. My mouth went dry. They had kicked me out. Not just one or two of them—all of them.
The team I had built. The project I had poured months into. Gone. Just like that.
I wanted to tell myself they were weak. That they couldn’t handle discipline, real structure, real leadership. But I knew better. This wasn’t the first time. It had happened before, different people, different places—but always the same ending.
They thought I was a dictator. That I didn’t listen. That I barked orders, expecting blind obedience. They never said it outright, but I could feel it—the stiff silences when I walked in, the quick exchanges of glances, the way conversations dried up the second I joined them, the way people stopped coming to me with ideas. The way they smiled, nodded, but never really engaged.
And I was frustrated with them for it.
I hated that they bonded without me. That they went out for drinks after work and never invited me. That they shared inside jokes and celebrated some wins while I sat alone, preparing the next moves, resenting why no one wanted to help me so we could continue winning.
The worst part? I saw other leaders—less experienced than me, less competent than me—getting better results. Their teams followed them without resistance, without hesitation. They had loyalty. They had trust.
Meanwhile, my own people tuned me out the second I opened my mouth.
I told myself I didn’t care. Leadership wasn’t about being liked. Leadership was about results. About making the hard calls. But the results weren’t coming. My teams underperformed. Resentment festered. People left, and when they did, they badmouthed me. Said I was impossible. Said I had an ego. Said I didn’t get it.
And it followed me outside of work. Friends became acquaintances. Acquaintances became strangers. Conversations felt like battles. Relationships became power struggles. Every interaction carried weight, tension, unspoken frustration. And then, one day, I looked around and realized—I was alone.
That was the moment I stopped blaming them.
That was the moment I realized—maybe the problem wasn’t them. Maybe it was me.
And if that was true, maybe I could change it.
See, my reputation was on the line. The way I performed with this team would determine the opportunities I’d get over time.
I did my research and came across the best way to give orders so that people can understand, feel respected and take my vision to the end without imposing myself on them. Then I applied the information.
I started small. Not at work—I wasn’t ready for that yet—but in my personal life. I stopped demanding. Stopped assuming authority alone was enough. Instead of pushing, I pulled—invited them into the process, gave them ownership over decisions.
And something strange happened.
Conversations became easier. People leaned in instead of shutting down. Friends who had grown distant started opening up again. At work, I tested it—reframing my approach, watching, adjusting. My team—my new team—began responding differently. They weren’t just following orders; they were engaged. Contributing. Taking initiative.
For the first time, I wasn’t just being heard—I was being listened to. We were winning.
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Previously,
This is How to Give Orders
“If someone asked you how to write your name, would you clench your teeth and spit out the letters one by one? If he lost his temper, would you lose yours as well? Or would you just spell out the individual letters? Remember—your responsibilities can be broken down into individual parts as well. Concentrate on those, and finish the job methodically—without getting stirred up or meeting anger with anger.”―Marcus Aurelius
This is the method I used to help me give orders without breaking bonds, shouting at subordinates, seeming like a dictator and with little to no friction.
People will be eager to do your bidding and fulfill your intent even in your absence.