SS III. Get People to Like You
What follows is a guide to becoming the kind of person others yearn to be around.
The Le Monde Élégant section is a companion to The Stoic Manual to help you get wealthier, happier, and more powerful through social skills—you’ll master the art of effortless connection, sway hearts and minds with grace, and cultivate an aura of undeniable allure with the timeless secrets of refined society. Complement this with the ‘Neuroscience-based Tools’ & ‘Lead to Win’ sections.
P.S: Scroll to the bottom for a step-by-step practical guide to get people to like you.
“There is no enjoying the possession of anything valuable unless one has someone to share it with.”—Seneca
James sat in his parked car long after the engine had stopped running.
His hands lay lifeless in his lap, the only sound the mournful buzz of streetlights, like an elegy for the night.
His head felt as if it was filled with lead, each thought a burden too great to bear.
He stared at the dashboard, his eyes unfocused, as the evening's sharp, cruel memories carved themselves deeper into his soul.
The night had begun with such hope.
He had planned the date carefully—picked a restaurant with a warm, casual vibe, nothing too fancy.
She had smiled when she arrived, and for a moment, he thought maybe tonight would be different.
But then the awkward pauses crept in, followed by the forced small talk.
He tried cracking a joke—something about how parking in the city should be considered an Olympic sport—but her laugh didn’t reach her eyes.
By the time they’d finished their meals, she was barely pretending to check her phone anymore.
The goodbye was kind, too kind, a gentle rejection wrapped in courtesy.
The one that meant, You’re nice, but this isn’t going anywhere.
Now, in his car, a profound sense of failure enveloped him, a shroud of loneliness thicker than the night.
For months, he'd clung to the belief that love was just around the corner, that his loneliness was temporary.
But tonight, for the first time, the thought came unbidden:
What if it’s me?
What if I’m the problem?
His stomach twisted with the agony of that possibility.
He leaned back, his breath escaping in a long, defeated sigh, trying to escape the self-doubt, but it clung like tar.
Shame heated his cheeks, and his throat choked with the thick bolus of his inadequacies.
James had always considered himself a decent guy—kind, polite, maybe a little reserved.
But, like a stench, it’s like people were avoiding him.
Like dirty dishes, it’s like no one wanted to pay attention to him.
Two weeks ago, he'd dragged himself to Matt's party to escape the solitude of his thoughts.
It was surely better than sitting at home. Or so he thought.
The party was a lively swirl of life and laughter, but James felt like an outsider looking in.
With a beer in hand, he tried to crochet himself into the fabric of the night's stories.
He jumped in, when there was a pause, sharing an anecdote about a road trip he’d taken last summer to add to a similar story.
But his attempt to share, to connect, felt forced and awkward, like speaking a language he didn't quite understand.
The group's polite nods were followed by an immediate return to their world, leaving James standing there, holding his drink, unsure whether to keep trying or slip away.
An hour later, James left without saying goodbye.
The city lights outside were as cold and unwelcoming as his own reflection in them.
He thought about the people at the party—how effortless it seemed for them to talk, to laugh, to connect.
He wondered why it didn’t feel that way for him.
Was he boring?
Too awkward?
Too forgettable?
The questions clung to him, heavy and unrelenting, and by the time he reached his apartment, he was too exhausted to even turn on the lights.
James’s dating struggles were one thing, but it didn’t stop there.
His varsity friendships were also fading.
He stopped getting invites to hang out with his old buddies.
At first, he’d told himself they were busy, but deep down, he knew the truth: he didn’t bring much to the table.
He wasn’t the friend who made people laugh or shared wild stories.
He wasn’t the one who planned trips or gave unforgettable advice.
He was just… there.
Even at work, he felt the same distance.
He’d see his coworkers chatting and laughing during lunch breaks, but when he tried to join in, the group would grow quiet or politely shift the conversation.
Eventually, James started eating at his desk instead. It was easier that way.
They only approached and talked to him when they needed something.
One day he stared at himself in his workplace’s bathroom mirror.
His reflection looked tired, sad, worn out.
“What the fuck is wrong with me?” he whispered aloud.
His voice cracked on the last word, and he quickly wiped off a tear as someone entered the bathroom.
On a Friday night, James sat alone in his apartment, scrolling through Instagram.
His feed was filled with smiling faces—friends at dinner parties, couples on weekend getaways, groups at concerts.
He stared at the photos until they blurred together, his chest tightening with each flick of his thumb.
He set his phone down and leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees, his hands tangled in his hair.
The thought hit him like a punch to the gut.
I’m just not the kind of person people want to be around.
For the first time, he let himself sit with the feeling.
The loneliness, the frustration, the quiet fear that maybe this was just who he was.
Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, and his throat felt raw, but he didn’t wipe them away.
He just sat there, letting the weight of it all settle around him.
Is this how my life is meant to be?
Last Week’s Favorites:
Next week we’ll look at the Stoic Concept of the Soul and how we can access & enrich it.
Practical Guide to Get People to Like You
“I can teach you a love potion made without any drugs, herbs, or special spell—if you would be loved, love.”—Seneca
Does the above story feel familiar?
You’re not alone, dear reader.
It’s a universal human desire—to feel seen, heard, valued, and connected. Seneca talked about it here.
What follows is a guide to becoming the kind of person others yearn to be around.
You’ll be liked by so many people you won’t know what to do with it.
Not through cheap tricks, memorized sequences, or manipulation techniques—we both know how exhausting those are and how they don’t last.
Below, you’ll understand what makes someone likable and how to leverage it to build connections that feel real, fun, and lasting.